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It took a while

I was almost happy again

Until you came along

And broke me once more

Now... who can mend my broken pieces?




Monday, December 14, 2009


I never learn my lessons

One lesson I should have learnt from the past and should always bear in mind is never give your all to that one person because that makes you vulnerable to that person who has the power to hurt you, and hurt you real bad.

I never learnt from my past lessons, I really never do.

I guess I shall have to learn to live with deep disappointment.

11:54 PM
xiaozhu muttersY





Wednesday, December 02, 2009


Life's tough

Just heard that a newly-wedded couple friend is expecting their first baby.

To say that I'm envious is an understatement. Afterall, who doesn't wish to get married and start a family?

At the same time said friend, who dropped the news, expressed concern about their state of finances and also how mentally prepared this couple friend is. Afterall, it wasn't too long ago they spent on their wedding, photoshoot and honeymoon. And unless starting a family shortly after marriage was already on their cards, then well, it is most likely an unplanned pregnancy.

I was reminded of a statement made by a friend: "Who says married couples do not need protection?" That really tickled my funny bone.

Oh well, maybe I'm just overly envious. But I'm yet not ready for the beautiful rock because I'm not ready for the avalanche of extra people in my life. (in-laws, relatives, cousins etc) My life now is simple and cozy.

And I'm DEFINITELY not ready to be burdened financially. I'm already hardly surviving on this pathetic amount of money per month. How on earth can I take care of another person when I can hardly have enough for myself!?!?

Yet again, a small part of me yearns to complete the next phase of life.

5:05 PM
xiaozhu muttersY





Wednesday, November 18, 2009


Emergenetics

Long post ahead!

An opportunity came up to attend an Emergenetics session and I jumped at the chance to attend for FREE. =D

Emergenetics is a combination of characteristics that emerge from your life experiences, plus the genetics with which you were born. Each individual's temperament can be described in terms of 3 Behavioral Attributes and 4 Thinking Attributes.

At the end of this session, I was very surprised at the results of my Thinking Attributes. But after some recollection of past situations, I can say the results pretty much hit the nail on the head.

A quick look at the 4 Thinking Attributes:

Analytical
Clear thinker
Logical problem solver
Enjoys math
Rational
Learns by mental analysis

Structural
Practical thinker
Likes guidelines
Cautious of new ideas
Predictable
Learns by doing

Conceptual
Imaginative
Intuitive about ideas
Visionary
Enjoys the unusual
Learns by experimenting

Social
Intuitive about people
Socially aware
Sympathetic
Empathic
Learns from others

Apparently I am 49% Structural, 30% Conceptual, 16% Social and 5% Analytical.

What it means:

My combination is a Structural/ Conceptual combination which is found in less than 2% of the general population.
I like being rare. =D

Structural thinking combines rational thought with concrete details and practical outcomes. Conceptual thinking combines abstract thought with intuition and inspiration. Because you possess both, you can stake a claim in four different types of thought process: rational, intuitive, abstract and concrete.

Structural and Conceptual thinking can be at odds with each other. You have an inner tennis game going on all the time. When the ball is in its court, the Structural part of your brain wants to clean your desk. When the Conceptual part of your brain has the ball, it wants to go fly a kite. Since the Structural and Conceptual thinking attributes are diametrically opposed to each other, your Conceptual brain can come up with great ideas, but your Structural brain will dismiss them just as quickly. However, when you harness both thinking preferences, you are powerful! Your Conceptual preference can create, imagine and look into the future, while your Structural preference can clear away the crazy or weird ideas and implement a plan that works.

Because you have an internal power struggle, it is easy for others to misunderstand you. They may fall in love with your freewheeling Conceptual side, only to discover that you insist on balancing your accounts to the penny. On the other hand, they may feel safe with your methodical side, only to feel you have pulled the rug out from under them when you show up one day with a new tattoo.

People with this profile can encounter great difficulty in choosing a profession. They cannot decide whether they want to be a bookkeeper or a dolphin trainer. While you can excel in any profession, you probably prefer a position that involves translating creative ideas into practical terms. Not many people can write successful grat proposals for artists! You probably do not require data, research and evidence in order to make a decision.

To sum it up:

Your preference for Structural thinking suggest that you are good with practical details, favor tried-and-true methods, and excel at creating clear, workable solutions. On the other hand, your preference for Conceptual thinking implies thought processes that are theoretical, intuitive and unusual. You may surprise people by being quiet and focused, and then showing a glimpse of your whimsical side. You probably base your decisions on a combination of organized concepts and patterns along with sheer inspiration. Others may find some of your Conceptual ideas too far 'out there'; however you can thread in Structural thinking to translate these ideas into terms everyone understands.

There are some inherent challenges in this profile, as well as some unique strengths. Sometimes you have an internal tennis game going on between your two different thinking preferences. When you harness them together, you come up with fresh ideas that are both practical and visionary.

Let's look at the 3 Behavioral Attributes.

My results show that I'm 5% Expressive, 40% Assertive and 5% Flexible.

Being 5% Expressive means you're probably calm, thoughtful and quiet. In general, you probably keep your thoughts to yourself, your facial expressions may be stoic, and you can maintain confidential information easily. You may learn by listening and reflecting. You don't waste words, and you tend to think before you speal. You may be less dependent on others for your own amusement. You generally prefer one-on-one conversations or small gatherings over participating in large groups. In group situations, you hope you wouldn't be singled out. If you must spend prolonged periods of time with people, you may eventually need to retreat to privacy, which you find energizing. Because you are generally reserved, you may be perceived as less emotional (which may or may not be the case). Sometimes you may be so quiet that you may not realize other people cannot readily perceive what you are thinking. When you are working in a team, you are often the calming influence on those around you.

40% Assertive means you're in the 'It Depends' group. When it comes to being in charge, you can go either way. You may step it up and behave in a more telling manner, or step back and let others take the lead. Depending on the situation and your companions, you decide how much energy you want to put into being a genial peacekeeper or a forceful driver.

5% Flexible means you're probably focused, firm and absolute. It's likely you have strong opinions and a defined agenda. You generally are convinced your solution is best, and you may prefer to be in control. You probably enjoy clear-cut situations and you may dislike change. You most likely need time to assess new procedures and ideas. Because you are known for being focused on the direction you deem most appropriate, you may be perceived as stubborn.

To sum it up:

Your level of Expressiveness suggests that you're generally calm and reserved. Your level of Flexibility implies that you're determinedd and do not change your mind easily. There is a lot riding on your Assertiveness, which is in the 'It Depends' range. You probably wait to see what develops before deciding how much energy you invest in being either a peacekeeper or a driver. Sometimes, when you want to avoid conflict, you very much want to get your way, but without doing battle. In these situations, you will be reserved, focused and congenial. You may make your opinions known in a roundabout way, perhaps by asking questions in hopes that others will arrive at your conclusions. On the other hand, when the situation calls for action, you may ramp up. Then you will be composed, focused and forceful. When you are in this mode, you probably accomplish a great deal 'under the radar'. Since you usually have a strong agenda, people may not be too surprised when you bring your Assertiveness up a notce and take charge.

As a leader, you have strong convictions, and you may prefer to get the job done with a minimum amount of discussion. You have a vision that extends far into the future and most likely you expect others to share your enthusiasm for the overall concept or goal. You probably have a clear understanding of the process needed to reach your vision, but you have trouble delegating, because you aren't sure you can trust others to do the job correctly. Sometimes your desire to do things 'by the book' is at odds with your need to be creative and intuitive.

Whew! My hands are tired now. Well, now that I know myself better, I guess I should figure out how to stop antagonizing my bosses. Heh. (Which seems like a tough job!)


9:48 PM
xiaozhu muttersY





Wednesday, November 04, 2009


Too old to club

Halloween night saw us at Helipad for the mister's company dinner. (Wonder why more and more companies are holding their company dinners at clubs. Hmmm)

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Pardon his red face. First thing he did upon arriving at Helipad was to grab a glass of beer. *rolls eyes*

I look more tanned than him.

*pause*

Shucks. Think it's time I should be staying OUT of the sun.

I'm so glad Yuling and Milton went too. At least I had company and it's been a while since we last met up.

Photobucket

We still look the same as we did 11 years ago.

Working in the shipyard requires long and frequent working hours. And as anyone knows, being away too long and too frequent from the family/ partner can be detrimental to relationships. So the idea of having staff bringing along their partners is to get the partners together to interact and share their experiences with each other, and to discover that hey, they are not the only ones facing problems of their partners slogging long hours away at work.

This objective is great, but the execution of it wasn't that fantastic. Or maybe I'm just biased towards the events company. What a coincidence it was the same events company we engaged last year and didn't do a GOOD job for our annual dinner.

Time fled by very fast and soon it was the end of the event. It's great that rain stopped so we were able to make our way upstairs to check out the area. I adore Clarke Quay at night. The view is simply awesome and to top it off, Helipad is situated next to serviced apartments. Some of the tenants had their blinds up and we had a bird's eye view of the interior. I was practically salivating at the decor. One word in mind - GORGEOUS.

Not forgetting to cam-whore while we're up there.

Photobucket Photobucket Photobucket

Adjourned shortly to Club Sabai Sabai with his colleagues. It's a newly opened Thai disco joint located at Shenton Way. It didn't took us long before we were yawning away like an orchestra and decided to make our way home. Looks like we wouldn't be hitting the clubbing scene with a vengence anytime soon. We got to learn to stay awake after midnight.

11:39 AM
xiaozhu muttersY





Monday, October 26, 2009


The day my heart stopped. For a few seconds.


I committed a big screw up. I know I'll live to regret it if I hadn't taken that last minute gamble.

Hadn't felt so despondent for a long time. And I had a delayed reaction to shock. Everything just came back and hit me hard on the head today. It took quite an effort to calm the queasy stomach down for I felt really sick at all that happened over the weekend.

Leona Lewis - I Will Be

There's nothing I could say to you
Nothing I could ever do to you to make you see
What you mean to me

All the pain, the tears I cried
Still you never said goodbye and now I know
How far you'd go

I know I let you down
But it's not like that now
This time I'll never let you go

I will be
All that you want
And get myself together
Cause you keep me from falling apart

All my life
I'll be with you forever
To get you through the day
And make everything okay

I thought that I had everything
I didn't know what life could bring
But now I see, honestly

You're the only thing I got right
The only one I let inside
Now I can breathe, cause you're here with me

And if I let you down
I'll turn it all around
Cause I would never let you go

I will be
All that you want
And get myself together
Cause you keep me from falling apart

And all my life
I'll be with you forever
To get you through the day
And make everything okay

Without you I can't breathe
I'm not gonna ever, ever let you leave
You're all I got, You're all I want

Cause without you
I don’t know what I’d do
I could never ever live a day without you
Here with me do you see
You’re all I need
I will be
All that you want
And get myself together
Cause you keep me from falling apart

All my life
I’ll be with you forever
To get you through the day
And make everything okay

I will be
All that you want
And get myself together
Cause you keep me from falling apart

All my life
I’ll be with you forever
To get you through the day
And make everything okay

8:00 PM
xiaozhu muttersY





Sunday, September 13, 2009


Self-declared LOOOONG Weekend

Had enough of the fucked-up politicial games the two uber useless and screwed-up people like to play and decided I didn't want to work for them for those two days. Don't give a fart if I didn't meet their deadline.

I took off with little more than my passport, a bag of clothes enough for one day, insufficient cash and ferried my way across to our neighbouring island.

Accommodation was... nothing fantastic to shout about. (Hey, tight budget here.) Hell, even the 'resort' itself has nothing to boast of. But one thing in ample quantity was the silence. And the peace.

OMFG. The 'nirvana' that I'm so desperately seeking. Absolutely deprived of people and traffic. The exact opposite of my daily life.

I went away to clear my head. Alone because I'm in no shape for company. (And also because I couldn't find anyone at the last minute) Could have just taken the leave and stayed at home but I guess I also wanted to test out what little independence I have inside of me.

So, I was all set for quiet time with a book in my hand and a drink in the other. Plus the massage of course. Then a knock on my door to reveal the two Singaporeans staying at the same resort as I do.

Plans were made to traipse into town for local food. Following which we explored town on foot for Batam's nightlife. And we found our way to Pacific discotheque. The hall is mother-fucking huge, pardon my French. I think it can easily accommodate thousands of people. It was too early and the place was near empty. Thus the plan to return at a later time. The 'bouncer' tried to offer us drugs as we left the premises so as to entice us to stay. Lol.

Wonderful experience there but I am still intent on my own quiet time. Slept early while my fellow countrymen returned to town to drink up a storm.

The next day passed in a flash and found myself back home all too soon. And to end off my sweet 2D1N trip, an impromptu visit from Mr. Ng became the icing on the cake. =)

9:34 PM
xiaozhu muttersY





Wednesday, September 09, 2009


I am going to:

Jump onto a ferry.

Hop to a little island.

Surround myself with nature.

Bring my blood pressure down.

Come back feeling at peace with the world.

See ya.

8:40 PM
xiaozhu muttersY









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